Jokes

It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him.

The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, "Boy, are you in trouble! I'm a lawyer!"

The driver looked out his window and said, "No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge."

 

***

 

A priest wanted to go to the post office, so he asked a little boy the way. The boy took him to the post office.

The priest said to the boy, "Thank you. Come to the church tomorrow and I will show you the way to Heaven."

The boy turned and said, "But you don't even know the way to the post office."

 

***

 

After Receiving an Invitation to an Inventors' Ball:

 Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.

 Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.

 Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.

 Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

 Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."

 

***

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

Though I do have to say... I don't buy my toilet paper there.

 

***

 

--Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

 

-- I'm sorry, sir.  It must have been in a fight.

 

--Well, bring me the winner then.

 

***

 

A blonde, carrying a baby in her arms, enters a pharmacy and asks to use the infant scale to weigh the baby.

The clerk explains that the infant scale is out for repair, but she could figure out the infant's weight by weighing mother and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"Oh, that will never work!" groaned the blonde. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt!"

 

***

 

 

Thanks

Sughapirya