Humour

501.

I want to present you this musical cassette of 'love story'!

Is it?  I thought it was your favorite!

Yes my girl, it was, but I am no more in love with any girl now, and so, I now present it to you!

*****

502.

I hope I didn't trouble you to give me this lift on your scooter!!

Trouble?  Not at all!!  In fact, it was a pleasure for I was the centre of admiration with a pretty girl like you on the pillion!

*****

503.

You are just a Stenographer!

But my wife is an Executive!

*****

504.

I may be the most inefficient amongst the newly recruited staff, but so long as I am the senior-most amongst them, I care a damn!

*****

505.

What change do you think you have made after giving up smoking?

I have started chewing paan - Doctor said it is a side effect!!

*****

 506.

I gave a lift to your daughter on my scooter!

Is it that she has been waiting for you?

No aunty, in fact, I have been waiting for her!!

*****

507.

I am very much upset today, sir!!

I wish you could tell me what your problem is!

Sir, when you informed me that you would issue me a letter of promotion, I distributed sweets and soft drinks to my colleagues, but till today, I have not received the said letter!!

*****

508.

My fiancée says that your jokes are flat.

She must be another 'nut' like my fiancée who has no sense of humour!

*****

509.

Earlier I wanted to die, but now that I have succeeded in getting a girlfriend, I want to live a hundred years!

*****

510.

What is the problem with you darling?  In fact, my mother says you are such a wonderful person!

That's the problem darling!!  Her daughter, whom I propose to marry, that is you, does not say these sweet words to me!!

*****

 511.

Besides all your assurances, what is the special assurance you will give me, if I take your insurance policy?

We will take care of your family after your death by paying the entire sum to your family!

*****

512.

See. I am determined to get married to that boy, but he is such a poor beggar having no bank balance!!  I only want to know if he has at least an insurance policy!

Please go ahead - he is insured with us and we will take care of you if anything adverse happens to him!

*****

513.

What is that that makes you proud of your husband?

The insurance policy he holds!

*****

514.

Congratulations on being a bread-winner!  And now what is your next step?

To be a wine-and-wife-winner!

*****

515.

When I return to my home country, I shall not work in any firm, but start a business of my own, and multiply my money I earned in the Gulf!

What type of business are you intending to go in for?

That's the problem - I still do not know!!

*****

 

Ends.....

  Thanks

By Samson Fernandes

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Second Wife

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"

Thanks

sughapirya

Very Nice Joke

BOY: May I hold your hand?

GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: How soon??

BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??

MAN: You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN: NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE: You tell a man something; it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What does u think, Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend: "...And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend: "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher: "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I bestowing?"
Student: "Brotherly love".

Teacher: "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say Prayers before eating?"
Sam: "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Teacher: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time

 

Thanks

Hosam.money

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Generous lawyer

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Thank you,
Sughapirya

 

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SmileJokes of the Day For March 15, 2008

At a fancy reception, a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age.

"You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated.

"I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile.

 "The trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because of your looks or ten years older because of your wisdom."

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Doctor Jokes

 

 

Patient walks into a doctor's office.

 

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

 

Doctor: Next!

 

 

 

***

 

 

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!

 

Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?

 

Patient: What problem?

 

 

 

***

 

 

Doctor: D id you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?

 

Patient: What pills?

 

 

 

***

 

 

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

 

Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

 

Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

 

Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

 

 

 

***

 

 

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?

 

Doctor: No, throw them away like everybody else.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Patient: Doctor, is there anything worse than being old and bent?

 

Doctor: Yes there is...being young and broke.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Patient: Tell me, doctor. Is it serious?

 

Doctor: Well, I wouldn't advise you to start watching any serials on TV.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

 

Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

 

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

 

Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

 

 

 

***

 

 

Mavis: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.

 

Doctor: Oh, really?

 

Mavis: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

 

 

 

***

 

 

Prisoner: Look here, doc! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

 

Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Tom: What's good for excessive wind, doctor?

 

Doctor: A kite!

 

 

 

***

 

 

Do you find it difficult passing water, Mr. Sozzle?

 

No, doctor. But I do find it hard to pass a pub!

 

 

 

***

 

 

Bill: My wife beats me, doctor

 

Doctor: Oh dear. How often?

 

Bill: Every time we play Scrabble!

 

 

 

***

 

 

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!

 

Doctor: Never mind, you'll pass eventually.

 

Liz: But I'm the examiner!

 

 

 

***

 

 

Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.

 

Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.

 

Doctor: See, what I told you.