New and Old Jokes

 

Father 2 son.

padosi ki ladki ko dekh. woh exam main 1st aai hai.

Son: us ko he to dekhta tha tabhe to fail hogaya.

 

**

 

What is the different between chew gum and begum?

Both r sweet at the beginning and become shapeless tasteless n sticky at the end.

 

**

 

Q: What is the Extreme height of stupidity?

Answer: Two sardars Sitting in a Auto and fighting for corner seat!!!

 

***

 

Boy: I love u..

Girl: Me too

Boy: How much do u love me?

Girl: as much as u do.

Boy: U Cheater.

I thought u really loved me

 

*** 

 

A sardar was drawing money from ATM,

The sardar behind him in the line said,

"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****)."

The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, its 1258"

 

***

 

Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.

I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever

I call someone and say "please recharge your card"

 

*** 

 

Postman: I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet

Sardar: why did U come so far...

Instead U could have posted it

 

***

 

In art gallery couple sees picture of a girl covered by leaf.

Husband was keep watching her.

Wife: ab chaloge bhi ya

Hawa k aane ka intezar kar rahe karte raho gaye?

 

***

 

Ants were taking bath and elephant jumped into pool.

Ants go out of water. One ant climbed on to the back

Of elephant, all ants cried “dubo dubo k mar sale ko".

Evolution of man:

Without shaadi spiderman

shaadi k din superman

shaadi k baad Gentleman

aur

B.V khobsurat hoto sari umar watchman

After a Quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you"

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in loveand didn't notice".

 

***

 

a couple in train

Girl: my hand is in pain. Boy kisses her hand.

Girl: my neck is in hand. he kisses her neck.

And old man: bhai khairsh ka bhi ilaj karte ho kiya?

 

***

 

Teacher: write your father name in English.

Sikh student: beautiful red underwear.

Teacher: what is this?

Student: it's not wrong.

His name is sunder lal chadda.

 

***

Thanks

P.M.HEMAKANNAN.

SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 29, 2008

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a
semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the prof picked up his
chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board, "Using everything
we
have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, blue books were filled in furious fashion.
Some
students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the
existence
of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in
less
than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered
how
he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
What
did he write, they asked.

"What chair?"

Boss

There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision.
So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...'

And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off, buster, I've got a headache!'

Weight Loss

Always looking for a way to drop a few pounds, I was listening closely to a radio spot for a weight-loss center. The announcer’s voice dripped calories as he intoned “Egg nog, gravy, stuffing, cranberries, apple pie…All delicious, but be careful.” He went on to describe more weight inducing items, and concluded by relaying the message that “The average American gains between four and seven pounds over the holiday season.”

 

My 5-year-old son, also listening, turned to me and said, “Oh, Mom, aren’t you glad you don’t have to worry about that?”

 

Surprised, I asked what he meant by that.

 

He replied, “‘because we’re not Average-Americans, we’re Irish- Americans! Right, Mommy?”

Sardarji Jokes

A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on

Sardar: What do they get from that?

Bystander : The winner will get a prize

Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

 

***

 

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
“Oh Dear! “the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But  ...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

SmileJokes of the Day For March 01, 2008

A blonde, carrying a baby in her arms, enters a pharmacy and asks to use the infant scale to weigh the baby.



The clerk explains that the infant scale is out for repair, but she could figure out the infant's weight by weighing mother and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.



"Oh, that will never work!" groaned the blonde. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt!"

Point of view

The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages, mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window, seated a old man with his 30 year old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside..
    “See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful” This behavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this son.” This guy seems to be a crack...” newly married Anup whispered to his wife.
     Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son, filled with joy “see dad, how beautiful the rain is  ..."
    Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
    Anup ," cant you see its raining, you old man, if your son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental asylum. and don’t disturb public henceforth"    
               
The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied " we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning , he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision,  these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."

The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth. But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us. So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action.

 

 

Thanks & Regards,

 

Mohan D

 

2 eight year old boys

 

Two eight-year-old boys played in a vacant lot everyday, and across the street was a brothel. Day after day they saw men go up, knock on the door, go in, and eventually come out happy and smiling.

One day they became curious and decided to see what was going on. The madam answers the door and looks down at the boys, and asks what they want. They explain what they saw, and tell her that they are curious as to what goes on inside.

The Madam thinks for a moment, shrugs, and says, "Do you have 5 dollars?" Both boys dig deep into their pockets and come up with a total of 50 cents.

She says, "OK, that will have to do," as she proceeds to lift her skirt and pull down her panties. She tells both boys to take a sniff, which they do. She closes the door and the kids proceed home. About halfway down the block one boy turns to the other and says, "Ya know Joey, I don't think I could a stood 5 dollars worth of that.

 

 

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SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 28, 2008

A woman went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.

 

The instant she saw him she started crying.

 

One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

 

The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.

 

She says to the undertaker “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”

 

“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit,” the undertaker replied.

 

The wife smiled at the man.

 

He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”

Joke

Promising Management

 

A man walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the man a tall mug of coffee.

 

After drinking the coffee down in one gulp, he turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the man returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other.

 

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Buddy! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?"

 

The man smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.

 

 ***

 

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter....

First Woman: "My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.

Second Woman: "I know..."

First Woman: "How?"

Second Woman: "My dog told me."

 ***

 

A man walks pass a beggar on the corner of the street where he works.

The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand.

One day the man walks pass the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding out both his hands.

He asks: “Why are you holding out both of your hands?”

The beggar replied, " You see sir, business is going so well I decided to open another branch".

Love and Marriage

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.

 

When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.

 

One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.

 

"Now do you understand?" he asked.

 

"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 27, 2008

Seven year old Timmy had been the center of his parents' lives up until the time his new baby sister came along. He found it very difficult to share their attention and was becoming more and more jealous.

 

 

 

When his little sister was a year old, his parents took him aside and told him that since she was getting bigger, their house was too small, so they would be moving to a bigger house.

 

 

 

"Why bother," Timmy grumbled, "She's crawling well now, so she'll probably just follow us."

Friends

TWO friends went to a bar.

 

They ordered beer and took

Their sandwiches out and started eating.

 

Then waiter saw them eating their sandwiches and told them,”

 

“You should not eat your own things here." then the two

Friends ex-changed their sand witches and started Eating.

 

Sardarji Jokes

 

Interviewer:

what is your birth date?

Sardar: 13th October

Which year?

Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

***

Manager asked to sardar at an interview.

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

***

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,

Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why?

Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

***

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this

village???

Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

***

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi

So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is

Jayanthi.

***

When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver

Adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my

Wife? Sit back. I will drive.

***

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire

and how will you escape?

Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

***