Today Joke of the day

Monday, February 21, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 288 | Daily Smile

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| Smile Jokes : 288 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 22, 2011

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that
the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she
agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have

18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and
again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight
hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please?

Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over
and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and
turned until he was down to only four more hours.

<http://groups.google.com/group/smilejoke?hl=en> He tapped his wife on the
shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not
being funny ..but I have to get up in the morning and you don't!."

<http://groups.google.com/group/tamiljoke> Description: Description:
TamilJoke3

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Sunday, February 20, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 287 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 21, 2011

An Irish priest is in a church on Saturday afternoon, hearing confessions... A man walks in and kneels down and begins his confession.

"Father, it has been two weeks since my last confession. These are my sins: Last night I had sex with Fanny Green."

"That is your sin?"

"Yes, Father."

"You are forgiven. Go out and say one 'Our Father.'"

The man leaves.

Soon, another enters and kneels.

"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Fanny Green every week for the last month."

The priest thinks to himself this Fanny Green woman is fairly popular with his male parishioners... "Those are your sins?"

"Yes, Father."

"You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Marys.'"

The man leaves.

Soon, another man enters and kneels down.

"Father, it has been six months since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the last six months."

This time, the priest has to ask - "Who is this Fanny Green?"

"Just a woman I know, Father."

"Very well, you are forgiven. Go out and say ten 'Hail Marys.'"

The priest closes the church for the evening and leaves wondering who this Fanny Green woman is...

The next morning, the priest is up in front of his congregation saying mass. The doors fly open in the back of the church and in walks this woman, a tall redhead with long gorgeous hair, a green sequin dress, green sequined heels and a green hat with a long green feather coming from it. She walks straight up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest, her knees apart.

The priest cannot help but stop and stare. He finally catches himself and leans over to ask the altar boy.

"Pssssst. Is that Fanny Green?"

The altar boy has a look and says, "No, Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

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| Smile Jokes : 286 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 20, 2011

Little Johnny was walking down the street with his mother.

They stopped outside a woman's clothing shop and Johnny's mother knew it would embarrass him to go inside so she told him to wait outside. Before she had a chance to go inside,

Little Johnny saw a used condom lying on the pavement.

"What is that mummy?" he asked.

His mother looked mortified when she saw the used condom and hastily said, "Um, it's a biscuit Johnny, but it's on the ground and dirty, so don't touch it!"

Confident that Little Johnny wouldn't touch it she went in the shop. When she came out 10 min later she saw the condom was gone.

"You didn't eat the biscuit, did you Little Johnny?" she asked.

"Of course not, it was dirty, so I just licked the cream out from inside it."

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Liamvks@gmail

| Smile Jokes : 285 | Smile Jokes

The doctor at a regional hospital tells his patient, "I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like to hear first?"

The patient asks for the bad news first. "I have the results of your examination of your injuries to both your feet and we're going to have to amputate right away."

"That's the bad news? How could there be good news?"

"See that man in the lobby? The seedy-looking fellow?"

"Yeah," says the patient. "What about him?"

The doctor looks at the patient with a grin, "He wants to buy your shoes!

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Saturday, February 19, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 284 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 19, 2011

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.

The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz..

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart"....

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| Smile Jokes : 283 | Intelligent Indians

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.

He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

"Correct.. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong ..

It's Manmohan Singh!"

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Monday, February 21, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 288 | Daily Smile

| Smile Jokes : 288 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 22, 2011

Sunday, February 20, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 287 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 21, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 286 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 20, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 285 | Smile Jokes

Saturday, February 19, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 284 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 19, 2011

| Smile Jokes : 283 | Intelligent Indians