| Smile Jokes : 272 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 14, 2011

 

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A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door

and said, "Do you see how devoted that couple is to each other? He kisses

her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"

 

The husband replied, "Okay, dear, but I don't really know her that well."

 

 

 

 

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| Smile Jokes : 271 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 13, 2011

 

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has,

you wish you had ordered that.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things

as women and then he turns them into Wives.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
If u r married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.

It's called marriage.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Girlfriends r like chocolates,
taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved

her so much that he would go through hell for her.

They got married and now he is going thru hell.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures

you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

 

 

 

 

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| Smile Jokes : 270 | Daily Smile

 

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| Smile Jokes : 269 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 12, 2011

 

 

At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

 

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. . . The guys were excited and relieved. . . They studied that night for the exam.

 

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy. . . . then they turned the page. On the second page was written. . .

 

For 95 points: Which tire? _________

 

 

 

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| Smile Jokes : 268 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 11, 2011

 

 

 

 

I had checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in.

 

It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.

She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up, you know the kind.

So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.

 

"Hello?" the woman says, ....oh God, she sounded sexy!!

 

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like for you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky, the whole night long! You name it, we'll do it. Bring your implements, toys, everything you want".

 

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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| Smile Jokes : 267 | For The Kids...

For The Kids...

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there's two of me.

One at a time, please.

 

Doctor,  doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.

Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.

I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.

 

Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory.

When did it happen?

When did what happen?

 

Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet. What shall I do?

Well, for a start, don't point him at me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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| Smile Jokes : 265 | SmileJokes of the Day For February 10, 2011

 I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 50-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a Secret crush on way back then?

 

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Or could he?

 

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Glendale High School.

 

"Yes! Yes, I did! I'm a Mustang!"

 

"When did you graduate?"

 

"in 1957. Why do you ask?"

 

"You were in my class!"

 

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled, bald, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-you-know-what asked ... "what did you teach?"

 

 

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