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From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
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What did the wizard say to his witch girlfriend?
Hello gore-juice!
What do you get if you cross a river with an inflatable wizard?
To the other side!
What do wizards stop for on the motorway?
Witchhikers!
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a wizard?
Tyrannosaurus hex!
Why do witches wear pointy black hats?
To keep their heads warm!
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Once there was an Irishman, an Englishman and an Australian who
decided to have a competition. While on top of the hill each man had
to chuck his watch in the air, then run down the hill and catch it
before it hit the ground.
So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and
SPLAT the watch hit the ground.
Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill
and SPLAT the watch hit the ground.
Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the
hill, went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his
watch.
"How did you do that?" asked the Irishman.
The Australian replied "My watch is 1 hour slow !!!!!"
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A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker.
"I win!" said Johnson.
Henderson threw down his cards. "That's it! I've had it! Johnson is cheating!!!"
"How can you tell?" Phillips asked.
"Those aren't the cards I dealt him!"
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You could use your old computer to shop for a new computer online.
But that seems kind of cruel, doesn't it?
Like asking your dying spouse if he or she has any
cute friends.
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A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination,
found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
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